


safety

by hallelujah99



Series: The Goodkind-Shalifoe Family [6]
Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Babies, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Family, Fluffy Ending, Healthy Relationships, Hurt/Comfort, Parenthood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-15 11:40:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28562922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hallelujah99/pseuds/hallelujah99
Summary: When Shelby loses her cool on their 4-year-old daughter for just a second, amidst her guilt and buried trauma, she finds incredible solace in the fact that Toni is her wife and her daughter's Mommy.(Reading other parts of the series is not necessary to understand this one)
Relationships: Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Series: The Goodkind-Shalifoe Family [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2088612
Comments: 10
Kudos: 256





	safety

**Author's Note:**

> Another installment in the life and times of Shoni and their daughter, Isla.

It all started with tomatoes. Isla’s favorite. 

Shelby had a long day at work and was tired and stressed, her pregnancy hormones and aches making her feel on edge. It had been one thing the first time, when she could just come home and collapse into Toni’s arms and relax after a long day, but now they had a 4 year old to look after, and the work didn’t end when she got home. Isla was worth it, of course, she was the light of Shelby’s life, alongside Toni, but parenting is hard.

When Isla saw Shelby grabbing tomatoes, she’d asked for a slice, but Shelby refused. She’d have them on her salad in just a few minutes, she didn’t need them now. As Toni was pulling out salad bowls from the cabinet, Shelby began chopping the tomato. As she was slicing, quickly, wanting to get off her feet and eat and relax, she almost didn’t notice the tiny hand snaking its way onto the cutting board to grab a piece of tomato. But, she did. It all happened in an instant. That precious little hand, inches from the blade of her knife, sent a chill down Shelby’s spine like nothing she could ever remember feeling. 

She threw the knife away from herself. The sound of it clanging to the ground was completely drowned out by her voice, screaming at the top of her lungs “GOD FUCKING DAMN IT ISLA!”

Isla looked up at her in shock and unmistakable terror. Even with the adrenaline of the near-accident still coursing through her veins, Shelby felt her stomach drop, knowing she’d messed up. Isla’s eyes welled up as the piece of tomato she’d snatched slipped through her fingers and onto the floor. She silently turned around to look at Toni, who crouched down with her arms spread wide. 

Isla bolted into her Mommy’s arms and wailed. Wailed and wailed like she never had before. Then again, her mothers had never screamed at her quite like that before. 

Shelby’s mind flashed through memories: of her mother, screaming at her in the same way for something she couldn’t remember. Becca’s eyes, as Shelby lashed out at her, let her darkest, cruelest side take over. Her over her father’s knee, her backside roaring with pain and her mother, sitting there motionless. 

She snapped back to watch Toni as she rubbed their daughters back and pressed kisses to her cheeks. Shelby thought that at the very least, Isla had one parent she could count on. Toni lashed out sometimes still, mostly while behind the wheel, but never once at Isla, not like that. 

Isla continued to cry in Toni’s arms for what felt like ages, as Shelby stood, staring, feeling bile rising in her throat. Her baby. Her precious baby, who she was meant to love and protect and teach about trust and connection. She’d broken the trust she’d had that Mama would never scream at her like that, that Mama was a safe person. Shelby wondered if she’d been deluding herself long enough about being a safe person, wondered why she’d even had a child in the first place when she should have known that this was a possibility, that she’d lose her mind like that. 

Toni looked up at her, and Shelby looked down, the most apologetic look on her face. Shelby could read the answer in her wife’s brown eyes. “It’ll all be okay.”   
Toni was just what she needed, years before on the island, to this very day. 

As Shelby began to marginally calm down thanks to Toni, so did Isla, her wails de-escalatiing to whimpers. 

Toni continued to whisper words of reassurance to Isla, while looking at Shelby with soft eyes, letting her know it would be okay, and that the words of reassurance were for her as well. 

“Isla, honey, what do you say we all go to the calm-down corner?” Toni asked. Isla shot a quick glance at Shelby, fear still written all over her face, but nodded, and allowed Toni to carry her over there. 

The calm-down corner was suggested by Shelby’s therapist back when she was still pregnant with Isla. It was a corner of the living room piled with soft pillows and blankets and stuffed animals, and on the walls were little posters with pictures and labels of emotions, as well as self-calming strategies. It was where Isla went whenever she had a meltdown, or occasionally if she was simply feeling sad about something. Toni had initially rolled her eyes at it, but realized that if she had been raised with a space to talk about her big feelings, things might have been better for her earlier. She still felt Shelby was better at leading the sessions, but knew her way around the calm-down corner enough to take the reins. 

Isla sat curled into Toni’s lap and Shelby sat farther away than she would have liked. “Okay Isla, do you wanna go first or should Mommy or Mama?”

“Mommy.” Came her little voice. 

“Okay.” Toni replied. “So, I felt scared,” Toni reached out and touched the picture for scared “when I heard Mama scream, because I didn’t know what was happening.” Right now, I feel calm,” she touched the picture “because I know that everyone is safe. Do you wanna go now, Mama?” Toni offered. 

“Yeah.” Shelby said, voice shaking. “I felt very scared when I saw your hand right by the knife, because I thought you might get cut.” Isla buried her face into Toni’s hair, but Shelby continued. “Right now, I feel sad, because I know I upset you really bad. I never want to make you feel so sad, okay baby? Mama was just really really scared.” 

Isla ignored her, so Toni tried. “Mama didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, but sometimes even moms make mistakes, right?” Toni said, and Isla shrugged. “Can you tell me how you’re feeling Isla?” Toni offered. 

Isla reached out and touched sad, then scared. “Yeah, I can see you’re feeling very sad and scared, right now.” Toni acknowledged. “Can you talk about why?” 

“Cuz Mama hates me.”

Shelby felt her insides crack open and the air leave her lungs. It took every ounce of strength she had, as well as Toni reaching out to take her hand, not to burst into tears. “Mama doesn’t hate you. Oh my Lord, Isla baby, Mama doesn’t hate you, not at all.” Shelby thought back to the day Isla was born, after a grueling 14 hour labor, when she was placed in her arms, the overwhelming rush of love…it’s everything everyone says it is and more. It’s nothing anyone can understand until they’ve become a parent. Shelby knew Isla was too young to understand that, she was too young to think outside of the events of the previous 10 minutes, but it broke her heart nonetheless.

“Isla, I can tell you right now that I know Mama loves you more than anything in the world, okay? I’m 100% sure of that.” Toni told her. “Mama and I, we will always love you so much. To the moon and back.”

“Infinity times?” Isla asked.

“A billion infinity.” Toni told her. 

_

The rest of the night went on without incident but it wasn’t the same. Isla clung to Toni and barely acknowledged Shelby. As they tucked her into bed, one knelt at each side as they did every night, Isla scooted over towards Toni, and said “Mommy, can you read me a story?” Every night before, it had been “Can you guys read me a story?”

Once Isla was asleep, Shelby collapsed in Toni’s arms on the couch. She told her everything she was feeling, emotions too complex for the calm-down corner. Toni listened and held her and reassured her, and Shelby was so grateful not only to have Toni as her wife, but that Isla had her as a mother. Her ability to calm and reassure was unmatched. Toni credited the years of therapy, but Shelby also suspected that having had so many tough emotions herself, she understood when others were going through it. 

After the worst had passed, they agreed that the next day, Toni could give Isla a calm talk about safe behavior in the kitchen and what that looked like. They put on a movie while Toni tidied up around the house, telling Shelby not to worry and that she deserved a break. “You’re literally making another human, loading the dishwasher is the absolute least I could do.” Toni assured her with a kiss. 

That night, like every night, Shelby fell asleep in Toni’s arms, breathing in her scent and trusting that with her around, everything would be okay. 

_

At just past 3 in the morning, Shelby awoke to a tiny hand on her shoulder. “Mama?” came Isla’s whisper. 

Shelby looked at her daughter, so small in the moonlight, clutching her treasured stuffed rabbit. Her little blue pajamas, covered in unicorns and rainbows, and her brown waves a mess all around her tiny face. In her haze, for just a few seconds, she barely remembered the night before, only felt some uneasiness, like she needed to be extra cautious.

“Yes sweetie?” She said. 

“I had a accident.” She whispered. Shelby nodded and stepped out of bed. It was a common enough occurrence that she had the routine down, but not common enough that it was worth arguing with Isla about wearing a pull-up to bed. 

“All right, honey, let’s get you changed.” She said, grabbing Isla’s hand and walking back to her room. By the light of Isla’s little koala nightlight, Shelby pulled a set of pajamas and clean underwear from Isla’s dresser. She got her cleaned up and into the fresh pajamas, covered in rodeo teddy bears. “We got these in Texas.” Isla told her. 

“That’s right!” Shelby smiled. “You have such a good memory.” 

Shelby resisted the urge to hug her, afraid it was too soon. That she’d somehow scare this precious human she was supposed to protect.

“Do you wanna go back and lay with Mommy while I get your bedsheets changed?” Shelby asked. 

To her surprise, Isla shook her head. “I wanna stay with you, Mama.” 

So Isla helped her pull off the sheets, and followed her to the laundry room. She grabbed her hand on the way back upstairs and leaned her head against Shelby’s arm. The touch felt so soft, so healing, certainly to Shelby and maybe to both of them. 

Shelby put new sheets on Isla’s bed, and Isla followed her as she tucked each corner under the mattress. Isla climbed into bed and Shelby knelt beside it. Shelby felt her eyelids growing heavier and heavier, but she didn’t want to walk away from her daughter. 

“Mama, can you tell me a story?” She asked, and another wound was healed. Normally, Shelby would do anything to get Isla to sleep as quickly as possible at 3:30 am. But she shuffled towards the bookshelf anyway. 

“No, I want you to tell me a story from your head.” Isla told her. 

Shelby wasn’t feeling very creative right then, but she could give it a shot, for Isla. “What kind of story?”

“A story about you and Mommy and me and how much you love me.” 

That was something she could talk about for hours, regardless of how tired she felt. 

_ 

Toni woke up the next morning to find Isla asleep between her and Shelby. “What happened?” she asked Shelby, who was already awaking and running her hand through Isla’s waves. 

“She woke me up last night around 3, she wet the bed.” 

“Okay, I can go wash the sheets in a minute here.” Toni replied, not ready to leave the comfortable cocoon with her wife and daughter.

“No, no, I washed them, and she did go back to sleep in her bed I just…” Shelby looked between her wife and daughter for a second.

“I just couldn’t walk away from her. So I carried her in here.” 

Toni wrapped an arm around Isla, the growing bump, and Shelby, and pulled them all in close to her.

**Author's Note:**

> I really wanted to write a second chapter to Moms Just Wanna Have Fun and I will! But user toobiesttop commented on my last story and gave me a prompt that just inspired this whole thing, that I just had to get typed out! (90% of it was written mentally while I was driving lol)
> 
> Comments really make me so so happy and inspire me to write, which I love doing! So if you liked it, I'd really love a comment :) Thank you so much!!!!


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